The Efficient Paddler

 Traveling down our natural waterways, paddle in hand, we all know is one of life’s great joys. The connection with the natural world, wholesome mini-adventures, scenic surroundings and freedom from daily issues, is a tonic that is hard to beat.

 But traveling without hassle takes just a bit of planning. No one wants to deal with annoyances and issues that can easily be avoided so at least a modicum of pre-planning is time well spent. That is where I usually hit my first snag. Planning ahead has never been one of my strong points.

 Its not that I’m not organized or too lazy to plan. I just don’t think of myself as the average canoedler.

I have decades of float trips under my belt and several have gone off without a hitch. For that I thank my wife for just elbowing me out of the way and taking charge. When I stand back and take orders and act as the pack mule things generally work out well.

 And then there are those times when I paddle solo. These trips aren’t always total chaos but they seldom seem to work out as flawlessly as I’d wish. I mean I’ve never forgotten my boat or anything like that. Though I did have to reload one out of a road ditch one time (broken strap). And I seldom need the extra paddle I always pack along. Unless I drop my first paddle in the river (dozed off).

 My dry bags usually have packed, just what I need. Unless its dry clothes. I often find those in the bilge water in the bottom of the boat where I left them when rooting around for the gummy bears in the dry bag (gummy bears must be kept dry).

 Good preparation has kept me from ever going hungry while on the water, though the menu has often had an unusual twist. I’ve enjoyed breakfasts like fried beef jerky and taco chips (the bacon turned green when I forgot to ice down the cooler). Dinners like fresh wilted salad with A1 sauce (the french dressing was back on the tailgate with the ice bag). And suppers like GBS (gooey brown stuff from the bottom of the cooler). But as I say, I’ve never gone hungry.

 Ok, so as a camp cook maybe I don’t excell, but no one can be good at everything. Right?

 But I do have my strong points. I’ve never lost my lifejacket (Kathy ties it on before I leave with some kind of tricky knot that only she can undo), And I’ve learned to sleep quite well in it on those multi-day trips. I’ve never gotten lost (after I launch my boat}. Getting to a remote access did take me an extra day one time but it was an innocent mistake. I suppose I could have asked directions but by the third time I passed that roadside vegetable stand they had closed up and gone home.

 I have an uncanny ability to build great camp fires. But the guys from the forest service have remarked about the unusual size a time or two. I don’t know why they were concerned, they had everything on their truck any good firefighter could want (both times).

 After years of practice I know how to avoid carrying unnecessary items. Like bug spray, I never carry bug spray. Green leaves on the campfire put out a cloud of smoke that bugs just can’t take. You just have to remember to step outside the cloud before you pass out. And smoked watermelon slices are a very underrated bedtime snack (though if you don’t do it right it’s kind of hard to tell the bugs from the seeds). And the dried juice in your beard does seem to attract small critters on an overnighter.

 And coffee pots, I never carry coffee pots. You can easily just throw a handful or two of coffee into a small pan and boil away. A clean sock works fine as a strainer to get the used grounds out of your drink. But in a pinch any sock will do. And after a couple of days all you have to do is boil your sock to make your coffee (the coffee stains only take a week or so to wear off your feet).

 So you see, I am a very accomplished outdoorsman and quite capable of pulling off a great float trip.

But I do have to admit I enjoy it a lot more when my wife is in charge,