Angel with an Attitude

 I filled my coffee cup and headed for the couch to watch the morning news. It’s a depressing habit I have fallen into to start my day. But its a routine that allows me to start slowly and by the time I’ve heard a little of that stuff I’m ready to do something, anything that will take my mind off whatever I’ve just heard. It gets me started moving and as a system it works pretty well most mornings.

 But this morning as I walked past the living room window I noticed something odd outside. I passed up the couch and went straight to the front door. Opening it and stepping out I found a total stranger in one of the lawn chairs on the porch.

 “And just who are you?” I demanded.  The guy’s eyes popped open and he had a stricken look on his face. It seemed as though I’d just woken him.

 “You aren’t supposed to see me” he stammered. He looked nervously left and right as though he was planning an escape.   

 “You haven’t told me who you are.” I repeated my demand.

 “Oh Hell”, he cursed, then looking me straight in the eye he stated, “I sir, am Oscar. I am your Guardian Angel. And I’m sorry but right now I’m just a little bit tired.”

  I looked him over again and decided even if he was a nut case I could take him.

 “A Guardian Angel”, I harumphed. “I think sir, you are a trespasser and it might be you should leave my porch while I step inside and get my shotgun.  Or would you prefer to discuss it with the Sheriff.”

 He looked at me with disdain and spoke again,”Calm down Walt. You really shouldn’t have seen me but I am right where I should be.”

 “How is it you know my name?” I puzzled. And with exasperation he answered. “I’ve known you for sixty years now, ever since I was given this assignment.”  

 That set me back. How did this kook know my name and my age, I wondered. Then he spoke again. “Look.” he said, “You’ve finally seen me. Its done. I shouldn’t have let it happen but you’ve worn me down boy.” he paused and then “Like I said, I’m tired and that whole invisibility cloak thing draws a lot of wattage.”  

 By now I’m more curious than indignant. “You don’t look like an Angel. Where are your wings and where is your halo?” I asked.

 With a tired sigh he said, “Ok listen, those wings were necessary when you were younger but, truth be told Walt, you just ain’t all that quick anymore and those things get heavy after a while. I haven’t needed them to keep up lately so I quit wearing them.”

I thought that one over and I hated to admit it but it kind of made sense. “And the halo?” I asked.

 “Oh, its there” he said, “but like the cloak it draws a lot of wattage too, so it’s a bit dim just now and doesn’t show up too well in this bright morning sunshine.” He looked at me, “You aren’t convinced, I can tell.” he said.

 “Ok, Oscar? You said your name was? Angels wear long white robes. You’re sitting here on my porch in a tee shirt and gym shorts and sneakers. And they’re all kind of cruddy at that.” I said. Then continued, “Those sneakers especially look horrible.”

 “Angels are nothing if not practical” he stated smugly. “And following you in a robe hasn’t worked since you were just a tike. “As for my sneakers they only show the dirt and wear from the path you’ve chosen.” he said accusingly. “I am required to just follow along. And a hard damn path it’s been at times, you know.”

 “Angels can’t curse.” I stated.

 “Why not?” he demanded. “You don’t make the rules and I didn’t take his name in vain.” That one set me back a moment and I sat open mouthed, staring at him without a comeback.

 “You could have offered me a coffee you know.” he demanded.

 Totally off guard now I answered, “Would you like some coffee?”

“No! But you could have offered” he answered petulantly. “You don’t make a habit of showing concern for me and my job”, he whined, “You haven’t been easy to handle, you know.”    

 By this time I was very confused. Here I sat on my own front porch, talking to a real live Angel, he says, and I’m getting chewed out. What’s up with all that, I’m wondering.

 “For an Angel you sure seem to have an attitude.” I accused.

 “And you don’t?” he demanded. “I’ve been watching over you for sixty years, remember? Its only natural I would pick up a few of your bad habits. I’m only one Angel and you are…..well, we both know what you are don’t we.” Again I was taken aback but that one made me uneasy as well.

 “And for your information”, he said, “I am definitely looking forward to a spell of R&R when this assignment is over. I’ve certainly earned it.”

 That one kind of scared me. “How soon will that be?” I asked more timidly now.

 “Not soon enough for my part” he said. “But I don’t make the rules, I just follow the fools!” And then he chuckled at what he obviously considered a joke.

 Then he stood up. His face didn’t look as tired now. His clothes seemed cleaner, except for the sneakers maybe. And as I looked at him I swore I saw the faintest outline of a dim halo above his head.

“I’d best be going now, your wife will be here in a moment and its bad enough that I dozed off and let you see me.”

 “Wait”. I said, “I have questions.”

 “You’ll always have questions” he said. “But don’t worry. The big guy assigned me to you on a full time basis you know. Not everybody gets that kind of treatment, ‘course most folks don’t require it either” he continued. “He’s takin’ care of things, don’t worry” he repeated. “But for my part, I would appreciate a little consideration when you make your plans, any plans, please. I do have to go now its going to be another long day, you know,”

 I heard the front door open behind me and as I looked over my shoulder my wife stepped onto the porch.

 “Who are you talking to dear?” she asked.
Looking around I saw we were alone.

 “I was talking to my Guardian Angel” I said slightly awed.

  “That’s nice” Kathy said. “I like to start the day with a prayer too. I’ve been doing that ever since I married you, you know” she said with a twinkle.